Just a Quick Warm-up

I'm supposed to be writing my sermon right now. I know that it's really late on Saturday evening to be doing that, but it's not as bad as you think. So, I'm putting in a little warm-up writing time here.
DH and I went on a farmers market spree this morning and came home with all kinds of good stuff--peaches, blackberries, corn (less than 24 hours from the stalk), purple-hulled peas, tomatoes, squash, you name it. And some of this stuff--peaches, blackberries, corn, peas--I bought in bulk. I just finished (finally) reading Barbara Kingsolver's Animal, Vegetable, Mineral and now I have this insane fantasy going about freezing and drying all this stuff for the winter. (Absolutely no canning, though. I haven't lost my mind that far yet.) So wish me luck. If I don't get this stuff put up before it starts going bad, I'm pretty sure I'll be seeing the inside of a marriage counselor's office.

I just listened to the most wonderful presentation by Phyllis Tickle. She preached this week at Mars Hill Bible Church and I picked it up on their weekly podcast. The main focus was on the seven most ancient of the spiritual disciplines, but she also spent a great deal of time talking about how religions, at least the Abrahamic ones, seem to go through 500 year cycles. At the end of each cycle, the church seems to shake itself loose from calcifications that it has picked up along the way and emerge, like a butterfly--to use a really trite image--new and fresh, with a fresh excitement and energy. She believes, and I agree, that the current emergence is just such a breaking loose and I am so excited to be blessed to be a part of it. What grace that God put me in this time! Yes, it can be scary, and I'm sure that we as a church and individuals will stumble some in wrong directions, and I probably won't live to see how it all shakes out, but what fun to get to be a part of it.

I really recommend that you listen to her talk. If you don't already get the podcast, you can pick it up here. I would love to hear what you think about it.

One down...
OK, another Sunday done. Each week gets easier as I start feeling the rhythm of the week, the rhythm of the services, and get more and more of a feel for who this church actually is. Today was, of course, the last Sunday of the month, so we had our regular potluck lunch after church. It was great. I really cherish every time I get to sit down with the folks from the church and just talk, with no business to take care of.

Last week was VBS, and it was really fun. I hadn't done VBS for a couple of years, so it was really great to get the chance to do it again. All went well. This group really does know how to handling programmatic things, but then, that's really the easy part of being a church, isn't it.

Son is back from camp. He's been gone two weeks and I have really missed him. I can't say I'm looking forward all that much to the empty nest thing that should hit us in the fall of '08. Although I can't say the same thing for Son. He's happy here (as much as I can tell) but I do get the sense that he's really ready to jump out of the nest and see what happens.

Just a Cup?
Matthew 10:40-42
June 29, 2008

Scripture Reference:
Matthew 10:40-42
10:40 "Whoever welcomes you welcomes me, and whoever welcomes me welcomes the one who sent me.
10:41 Whoever welcomes a prophet in the name of a prophet will receive a prophet's reward; and whoever welcomes a righteous person in the name of a righteous person will receive the reward of the righteous;
10:42 and whoever gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones in the name of a disciple -- truly I tell you, none of these will lose their reward."


Those of us who have been around church and Sunday School for a while have heard this scripture before, probably several times. And, as often as not, any discussion of the text usually centers on the theme of hospitality and making others welcome, or reaching out to people who make us uncomfortable because of our love of Christ. But we’ve already kind of covered these topics, so I’d like to talk this morning about a couple of other ideas that compel me about this text.
The first comes through most clearly in a different translation of the text, the Message. It goes like this:
40-42"We are intimately linked in this harvest work. Anyone who accepts what you do, accepts me, the One who sent you. Anyone who accepts what I do accepts my Father, who sent me. Accepting a messenger of God is as good as being God's messenger. Accepting someone's help is as good as giving someone help. This is a large work I've called you into, but don't be overwhelmed by it. It's best to start small. Give a cool cup of water to someone who is thirsty, for instance. The smallest act of giving or receiving makes you a true apprentice. You won't lose out on a thing."
I see a couple of things here that I want to share with you. The first is where it says “Accepting someone’s help is as good a giving someone help.” Hmm. Now isn’t that interesting. How many times have we read this and just bleeped right over this part without thinking about it. Sometimes welcoming a righteous person is making space for them in your home or your life, but often this makes us uncomfortable. In fact, sometimes being around a truly good person is harder than being around a scumbag. At least you can feel superior to the scumbag. But the righteous person accepts you just the way you are and if you have a need, they want to help you. Whether you want to admit that you want their help or not. It’s really humbling to let someone else help you.
It’s even harder when the person who wants to help you is in worse shape than you are. How hard it is to graciously accept hospitality or an extra hand from someone who just barely has the resources to get by, much less help you. But in accepting help, you give them a gift back. Not only are you helped and blessed, but you give them the opportunity to bless you. And if the help they offer is to work together with you to bless someone else, then all three of you are blessed. It takes a little humbling on our part, sometimes, but allowing others to help us, either by meeting our need or by sharing our work to help others, is allowing a small gift to be multiplied many times over.
That brings me to my second thought about this passage, and another of those themes that I see running hither and yon all through the Bible. It’s that God seldom asks us to start out doing the big things. I mean, sure, a few people like Moses got the really big jobs right off the bat. But most of the time what God asks from us is the little things.
In 2 Kings, the Old Testament tells us of the Shunamite woman who welcomed Elijah every time he passed by, even giving him a room of his own to use whenever he was in the area. In Acts in the New Testament, we hear of Dorcas, who opened her home to anyone in need, providing what food, clothing and shelter she had to anyone who came to her for help. Neither of these women, just two of many examples of giving cited in the Bible, set out to reform the world. They just met the need they saw in front of them. And that’s the same place where Jesus started out his disciples.
When Jesus sends them out in the previous passages, he doesn’t tell them to high-tail it to Jerusalem or Rome. Just go to the nearby villages, the small towns like this one. He doesn’t tell them to start with the rabbi or the mayor, just meet whatever need that God puts in front of them. If someone is sick, he says, heal them. If they haven’t heard the good news, tell them. Show them what I have shown you. Do for them what I have done for you. Share. And I think that’s important. All too often, we let ourselves get paralyzed by the overwhelming need of the world. How can we, we say, feed all the hungry, provide all the medical care, drill all the wells needed, give all the clothes? It’s just too much. And so, overwhelmed, we don’t do anything because we simply don’t know where to start.
Or, we see this huge need and we think, if I try to bring God’s kingdom to this place, if I sign on to work for God, he’s going to ask me to do something bigger than I can do. It’s that old, and so tired excuse, “I’m afraid to put God in charge in my life because he might ask me to be a missionary to Africa.” That is just so lame. Especially in this day and time when the church in Africa is growing much, much faster than the church in America and African churches are starting to send missionaries here. Yes, God could possibly ask you to do something spectacular. But most of the time what God asks of us is not to drop everything and run off to some exotic place. More often, he asks us to do the much harder work of changing the world right around us. The place where he’s already put us. I mean, God put us in this place and this time for a reason, so there must be a job for us to do right here. We just have to open our eyes and see what it is.
The point I believe Jesus is making here to his disciples is that there is nothing too small for God to use. Every gesture, every act of kindness, compassion and obedience done in God’s name is unleashing God’s power of redemption into our sad and broken world.
Nothing is too small.
· It can be a phone call to someone who is lonely or ill or who you just haven’t seen in a while.
· It can be taking the time to really listen to the person in the next cubicle instead of doing the ‘smile and nod’ thing while you think about what you’re going to say or do next.
· It can be buying a pair of Tom’s shoes so that another pair is given to a child in a third world country.
· It can be putting your spare change into a jar for the Heifer Project to provide animals for those in need in almost every country around the world, including America.
· It can be even as small as truly seeing and responding to the cashier at the grocery and paying attention to them as a God’s child and not just an animated part of the store machinery.

In the final analysis, it is paying attention when need, any need, presents itself and then seeing what we can do to meet that need—even if it’s only a hug, a smile, a listening ear, or just prayer.
You see, Jesus does call us to change the world. But Jesus never told us that the way to change the world was to install the right government, vote for the right candidate, contribute to the right causes, lobby for the right politics, found and support the right foundations. The way Jesus sent us out to change the world, is to change the world right at our feet. We provide the opening. God changes the world. And yes, some of Jesus’ followers did ultimately address kings and witness to empires. Some created hospitals and built churches and liberated populations. But that’s not where they started. They started with the need in front of them and just followed where God led. And that is what God is calling us to do today.
I want to end by telling you a story.
This story is about Travis Park United Methodist Church in San Antonio, Texas. Travis Park is right in downtown San Antonio. Not in the tourist areas, but just outside them, where the homeless, the addicted and the mentally ill congregate because they have nowhere else to go. We went there on a mission trip once, and this is the story of their church as they told it to me. Travis Park used to be a typical urban church. Most of the people lived in the suburbs and drove in to church on Sundays. Membership was slowly declining as people moved too far away to drive in or passed away and the church had virtually no contact with the neighborhood where it was born. But one day, some of the members looked up and noticed the need on their doorstep. They really didn’t want to start a homeless ministry, that was too big, but they did have a good kitchen and a good basement area that they usually used for church potlucks and fellowship. Why not serve breakfast on Sunday mornings for anyone who cared to come? It wouldn’t take much. It was only breakfast after all.
So they did. They decided to serve a real breakfast—bacon, eggs, toast, the works. That first Sunday, only a handful of people showed up. But word got out on the street pretty quickly that you could get a real breakfast there—not just coffee and donuts but something that could actually get you through the day. And for these people, that was an important consideration.
The next Sunday, there were about 40 people.
The third Sunday, there were 100.
And as the people of Travis Park UMC began to talk with and get to know the people right in their area, they began to ask questions. Is there anything else I can do for you? How can I help you?
And the answers came.
“This is the only pair of pants that I have, and they are about worn through.”
“Well, I’m about the same size as you. I’ll bring you an extra pair of mine next Sunday.”
Or “I have a job interview this week, but I haven’t had a shower in a couple of weeks and I don’t have anywhere to clean up.”
“We have a shower here in the basement, let me see if I can arrange for you to use it before your interview.”
Questions asked, answers given. Needs noticed and needs met.
The next thing you knew, things had changed, not just in the neighborhood, but in the church as well. If you visit Travis Park UMC today you will find a church that’s bursting at the seams. Yes, many people left because they didn’t want ‘those people’ in their church, but more and more and more came. The church has remodeled their basement. They still serve breakfast on Sunday, but they also cook lunch there every day in cooperation with two other churches to deliver meals to homeless in other areas of the city who can’t come to them. They’ve created a whole new shower area that is open every day of the week for people who have no other place to shower. One building that used to be unused space during the week is being transformed into a place where people can rest and spend time and get warm during the day. Some people in the church have become specialists in helping people who’ve lost their IDs and other documentation get it replaced so they can get job. The list goes on and on.
This, to me, is what Jesus has sent us to do. This is the cup of cold water that can change the world. All we have to do is notice who is thirsty.

Finding a Rhythm
OK, so I guess I'm starting to settle in the new job. I love this church, and everyone is really nice, although I sense a certain reluctance to really warm up. I hope it's just a reaction to past history and not me. I'm still struggling to find a rhythm for my week. I know that's the key, and I also know that predictability is often just a fleeting mirage in the life of a pastor, but I still try.

I've made just getting the sermon and pulling the worship service together my main priority for the week. My theory is that once I can get comfortable with that, I can add more activities. I mean, writing the sermon every week has to get easier, or at least quicker, right? Or maybe it just seems easier when you've had a chance to get to know you're congregation, right?

Oh well, in a sink or swim situation, I guess you just keep paddling. Ducks rule!

Getting ready for the new job

So, I've been free from my last job for a week now, and I'm starting to try and get into the groove for my new one. I spent the afternoon researching my first sermon for June 8th. It's going to be on Abraham's call in Genesis. I think it's kind of neat that the lectionary verses for the Sunday that I start my journey with my new congregation are the one's where God calls Abram to leave his home and go to a new place.

Daughter is settled in her new place, although she still doesn't have TV or internet. Of the two, the one she really misses is the internet. That's her primary social network so it's really tough for her. But, I think she's arranged to get it put in next week.

Back again!

I can't believe that it's been so long since my last post. I can't seem to keep up with posting, but I can't seem to let it go either. Right now, I'm just sitting here in pain. We've spent the weekend moving our daughter to a new appartment. This is her first one where she'll be loiving by herself. She's excited to finally have a place that's all her own, but it's going to be really different for her, too. Especially since it's really out of the student area of the town where all her friends are. That makes it a lot cheaper, but I hope she doesn't let herself get isolated.

Anyway, we moved her in this weekend and naturally it's unfurnished and also, naturally, it's on the second floor. So, we spent the last two days hauling funiture, food, and stuff upstairs. I am so tired and soooo sore. I knew I was out of shape, but not that bad. I am so going to have to get moving.

Still iced in. Poor son, it's tough to be 16 and cooped up for 4 days with 2 50-year-old parents. Especially when you've just gotten your driver's license. But I'm sure he'll survive.

I've gotten a lot of reading and knitting done. Yesterday I finished Scandalous Risks by Susan Howatch. Sometimes the books in that series seem interminable, but I still keep reading. I'm also reading Revolution by George Barna and Judge and Jury by James Patterson. I've got 3 or 4 books waiting for me at the library, but I can't get there to pick them up. Even if I could, it's closed because of the weather anyway. Guess I'll have to content myself with the backlog of reading I've got piled up around the house.

And if that's not enough, there's always knitting. I finished a new scarf from Reynold's Blizzrd yarn. It's a really soft, cozy alpaca/wool mix that I just love. I made one scarf for my daughter for Christmas and one for myself. But, I ended up giving mine to a friend of mine whose husband died suddenly so I guess I'll keep this one for myself. I'll probably pick up another couple of skeins next Saturday when I go to my LYS for my first Victorian Lace class.

I also finished another prayer shawl. I know that a lot of people look down on Lion Brand's Homespun as a cheap yarn, but it really makes nice prayer shawls and since they're given to people who may or may not care about the fine points of caring for wool, being washable is a big plus. And it has a really comforting feel to it. Last year, I made prayer shawls for all my graduating seniors, and I started doing it again this year. Of course, I may not still be here when they graduate--in fact I hope I'm not, and I'm not really close to most of these seniors anyway, but I still like to always keep a shawl on my needles. People are always in need of prayer and concern, and of tangible tokens of God's and God's people's love and care for them.

The only problem I have now is that the only knitting I have in progress right now is my first pair of socks. I got down to shaping the heel in my first class, and I've just about knitted the second pair to that point as well. Then I'll have to decide to try and figure it out on my own or to put it aside until the next class.

Snowed in for the weekend, maybe. We still haven't heard whether or not church is cancelled for tomorrow. Frankly, I hope that it will be because that will give us a whole weekend. Of course, we may kill each other before it's over, but we may also actually get some stuff done around the house. That would be amazing. I already managed to finish one of my library books this morning, and I think I can get lots of reading and knitting done, if nothing else.

this was supposed to be a really chock-full weekend. In fact, I was scheduled to basically be a 2 places at once pretty much the whole time. But, instead of spending the weekend on the road driving back and forth between the two, I'm snuggled up at home with husband and son and a fire in the fireplace. Daughter is, of course, snowed in at school, but she doesn't have to work today so she can stay cozy, too.

It's kind of funny. She loves literature and has a lot of talent for it and for teaching, but she really resisted becoming an English major in college just because that's what I did. But, after going through 2 or 3 other majors, guess where she's ended up? And she's really excited about her first lit survey class topics. How ironic is that? I may have to re-read Beowulf just to keep up my end of the conversation.

Things are really wierd in my world these days.
--In November, I got the choice on my job to either quit, be fired, or continue with a sizable chunk of the church and youth parents opposed to me. That's not precisely how it was put, but that's what it boiled down to. And the quitting was wrapped in the option of pushing harder to get my own church to pastor, which is really what I want to do. So that's the option that I chose. But, even though I'm in a 'transitional' phase, I'm still doing the same job, plus 'other duties as required' to 'gain some experience' and also reassure the ones who want me gone that I'm really leaving. The hard part is staying engaged with the kids while I get ever more ready to move on.
--In the week between Christmas & New Year's, my son got his driver's license. He's my youngest, so we are now in the early stages of empty nest. Because, you know that as soon as kids get wheels, they are pretty much gone. It seems very strange around our house sometimes in the evenings and on weekends. And when his girlfriend is allowed to actually date starting next month, I expect that things will get even wierder.
--My daughter took her first road trip this weekend. She and a friend drove to Dallas for a couple of days to visit another friend. And, I know, she's in college and it's totally appropriate for her to do stuff like that. But the first time they take off on a long trip it's hard. I guess it might be easier if she had to travel several hours instead of just one to go back and forth to school, but I don't think so. But the trip went fine and she got home OK, except she's kind of sick and we're hoping it's not the flu. She goes back to college tomorrow and starting the semester with the flu is not going to help her grades at all.

On a personal note, I've really gotten back into knitting again. In fact, I'm kind of expanding my horizons a little bit. This year I plan to really explore socks, since that seems to be the big thing, and lace. I took my first sock class this week and it went pretty well. In 2 weeks I'm starting a class on Victorian Lace. I'm really excited about that.

Prayer of the People-Traditional Service, Nov. 19, 2006Scripture Reference: 1 Samuel 1:4-20

Holy One of Blessing—
Whose graciousness fills all of creation,

We come, like Hannah,
To talk with You,
To rest in Your presence
To just be, with you, in this time that we’ve set aside,
Just for you, God.

And also like Hannah,
We, each and every one of us,
Hold in our hearts that one thing that we want more than anything else.
Some of these things are good and right
And we can relax and know that they will come in your time.
Some are not good,
And from those we need to be released,
So that we can again be fully in accord with you.
And some are good, but not right for us.
These are the hardest, Lord,
Because it’s so easy for us to say, “Why not?”
Help us trust you with those, as well,
To recognize, that you always know best,
And that even though we want to be the ones in control,
It’s really best when you are.
We place all these things in your hands,

And we also place into your hands these names that we lift this morning.

Read prayer list

And alongside these, we place all those other things that remain unsaid,
The secrets, the worries, the fears.

We ask that you bring healing where healing is needed,
Strength where strength is needed
Compassion and forgiveness where love is needed,
Comfort where comfort is needed,
And joy and peace to us all.

As always, let us and those we love, be open and aware of your presence, your care and your gifts in our lives,
As we pray together the prayer you taught us to pray.

Our Father…

Float Trip Preparations
Tomorrow I head off to a local river, leading 40 people in a church float trip. It's always a great time, one of the highlights of the year for my youth group. It's also a time when a lot of friends come along, some from no faith traditions, some from different faith traditions. That always makes the worship and devotional times interesting. I have no problem with required worship times--it is a church trip, after all. And, contrary to many Christian traditions, I don't feel a need to make a 'convert tonight or die and go to hell' pitch to everyone who comes. I just want to help them feel God's love and care for them, and to help everyone there see that lived out in our care for each other. I am firmly in St. Francis camp on this one--always preach Christ, if necessary use words. I just believe that the words should best come in response to what has been awakened in someone--yearning, curiosity, even animosity--and not be what comes first.

Anyway, constructing worship--and listening for God's voice in that process--is always interesting for this event. Even more so this year, when I know that several of these kids have had really tough times in the past. Some are truly antagonist toward even the concept of God, and are encouraged to be so by parents with the same attitude. Some have really warped ideas both of who God is and who they are. Some have grown up in the church and, for them, the mystery of God has disappeared, only to become 'white noise.'

Dear God, what a fascinating place you put us in, and what fascinating creatures your children are.

Prayer for today:Bend what is rigid in me, warm up what is frozen in me. (Old prayer quoted on Pray-As-You-Go podcast for Mar. 23, 2006).

Question for the day: What does it mean to be a Christian?

• Is it believing the right things? Which things specifically?
• Is it doing the right things? Which things?
• Is it not doing other things? Which things?
• Is it in what you do or who you are?
• Is it just being a nice person?
• What is the role of passion, of thought, of sacrifice, of joy?

I would love to hear your responses.

Some random thoughts for today...

• When you need to preach a prophetic truth, calling your people to account, it has to be done from a confessional stance. Because the reality is, we all struggle. It's not holding yourself as a standard of holiness, but a failure (like everyone else). But as one who in failure is moving toward God.
• Some have made the point that many atheists are closer to God than many religious people. Being angry with God is being passionately involved, as opposed to many believers who take God for granted and hold him at a distance.
• OK, so the New York Times interviewed 3 women in polygamous relationships about their responses to the new HBO show, 'Big Love'. Since these are primarily Mormon fundamentalists who as a group, I believe, would not support gay marriage or partnership in any form, I find this quote fascinating:
  "It's a more realistic view of a polygamous family that lives out in society than people have known," said Anne Wilde, a widow who was part of a multiple family for 33 years. "It can be seen as a viable alternative lifestyle between consenting adults."
  Does anybody but me see about 30 different directions you could go from here philosophically? Does putting these 2 together work at all or is this a massive example of cognitive dissonance? (Here's the url for the story: http://www.nytimes.com/2006/03/28/arts/television/28poly.html?_r=1&oref=slogin)

Lots of things to talk about. In fact, so many that I'm having trouble focussing on just one. (This is a frequently problem for me.)

1. I have to go run sound for a funeral shortly. This is the 4th funeral in our church in a week. It seems like whenever we get a cold snap like the one this weekend we often lose a few people, but this is like a new record. The hard thing about performing or helping in funerals is that they (obviously) aren't the kind of thing you can schedule so you have to just drop everything and focus exclusively on them. Of course, what else can you do? These are all people that you, or someone, has known and loved and is now grieving. How can you do anything less than drop everything to mark their passage and try and to provide comfort to those mourning their loss? I sometimes wonder if those people who wonder what church staff does all week have any idea how dumb that question is? We are there. Your needs are our schedule.

2. I'm a youth director at my church and right now I seem to be caught in a feud with my high schoolers. At least, they seem to think it's a feud. I just think they are struggling with making some decsions about who they are and who they want to be and just when they think they might decide to grow up. Word must be leaking out, though. I got my first call from a concerned (but misinformed) parent. I'm glad she's taking an interest. I'm glad that the high school group cares enough to be upset at me. But I'm not foolish enough to think that the next few weeks are likely to be easy ones. Lord have mercy.

3. I've been leading an adult class on Will Wilimon's new book, Sinning Like A Christian. The book is good, but more fascinating has been to watch people's reactions to it. Everyone squirms. But some react thoughtfully, some angrily. Know these people and their histories as I do, it's really interesting to see how they react to discussions of all those inisidious sins who are always following us around and looking for an opportunity to bite us in the butt. I wonder how many of them realize how much of ourselves we reveal when we talk about what makes us uncomfortable or angry?

4. Podcasts are wonderful. I'm having a great time, but in my usually compulsive style I've managed to subscribe to many more than I can possibly listen to in a day. So, now, in addition to having the opportunity to be behind in books, magazines, newspapers, movies, music and TV, I can also be behind in my podcasts. I have some real concerns about podcasts, though. While I think it's a wonderfully democratic medium for those privileged enough to have the technology and time to produce their own opinions on the world, I am seriously concerned about how much the ability to only listen to, view or read those things and people that we already agree with contributes to the further fracturing of our society. No wonder we are losing the skill of listening to others and discussing with them. We are getting so isolated in our own little position/opinion cocoons that even encountering someone with a different viewpoint is like a splash of cold water in the face. "I had forgotten that those people even exist." How can we learn, grow, evaluate, or even just be in community with each other if we can only tolerate those who please and agree with us? I find this a very scary place to be.

I'm Back!!
OK. I'm going to try and get this puppy rolling again. I'm not sure why this is so hard for me. I think I'm trying to be too profound, like I have to come up with some deep thought that no one in the universe has ever come up with before. Yea. Fat Chance. So, I'm going to try for lighter and see what happens. That's the great thing about keeping my little personal blog a secret. Even if someone I know runs across it, they won't know it's me.

Yesterday I listened to a very interesting podcast. It's still running around in my head. It was a sermon from Charla Gwartney on the Choctaw United Methodist Church podcast from, I think, this summer called 'Are you growing grass or pulling weed?' OK, so maybe the title is a little cheesy, but you try and come up with a catchy title every week and see how you do.

Anyway, the point of the sermon was that instead of putting all our time and effort and energy into trying to something that we have absolutely no talent for (like me playing the guitar) we (and God's kingdom) would be better served if we learned to do well enough to get by in those things and put our effort into learning the do the things we do really well, the things we have talents for, the gifts God gave us and intended for us to use, excellently. Those are the talents we were given. That is the way we were created. That is the gift the world needs from us. So why do we spend all our time blowing off what we do really well so we can try and perfect abilities that for us will only be so-so skills but never the best we can do. I can learn to play a guitar well enough, and have as a matter of fact, but I'll never be able to make real music.

But I can write. I can speak. I can teach. I do these things better than most, even when I'm just phoning it in. This is where I need to focus and quit squandering the gifts I've been given. So why did it take me until I'm 50 to figure this out?

Thanks Charla.

The Church has Lost Its Way
I find myself increasingly upset about the reputation the Christian church has developed in the United States, especially among those who aren't affiliated with it. I was reading an article in Vanity Fair recently about diversity and how cities that welcomed diversity were thriving, while those who didn't weren't. The author went on to talk about states with reputations for being hostile to diversity--specifically homosexuality--and then explained that (at least in his view) that was because these were heavily rural states where people went to church.

Now wait a minute. I will confess that I do live in Oklahoma. And that Oklahoma is not known as being on the cutting edge of tolerance, culture, diversity or much of anything else. And I go to church. But that does not mean that I'm comfortable with the dominant cultural/political/social stances of the people I live around. Nor are many of the Christians I know. In fact, the thoughtful Christians I know (and there are many) are appalled by the way we in the church have allowed people with hateful, hostile, angry political and social agendas hijack a religion that has as one of it's core missions to reach out and nurture every single person on earth as a beloved child of God. That's the command, and anyone who starts drawing lines and sorting groups into us and them is flouting the very commands of Christ himself. (And before anyone starts sending me any snippy e-mails about sin and judgement, let me say right off that those are God's responsibilities, not ours, and to try and help God out with His job is the core of arrogance itself.)

So there it is. We in the church have forgotten ourselves--who we are and what we are supposed to be about. We have allowed ourselves to be sidetracked from our main mission. What about it Christians? What can we do to help put our faith back on the right track?

Church Members Behaving Badly
We've got this thing going on in our church right now where a few people are accusing another group of people of behaving badly--welshing on a bill for using the church nursery, being exclusive, taking advantage of the church name and church facilities to essentially facilitate their private socal activities, etc. I know, it sounds really petty, and when you just look at what people are saying officially, it probably is. What it really feels like, though, is one or two people have been deeply hurt and now feel that justice can only be served through public humiliation of the parties involved--preferably by the re-introduction of stocks just outside the sanctuary or public floggings in the gym. The truth of the matter is, I don't think even that would help as long as anyone involved in this chooses to hang on to their anger and bitterness as the defining theme of their life right now. It is all so sad to watch.

The other sad thing is that they are using the church as the focal point for their fantasies of revenge. Both sides. And trying to pull everyone they can into the brawl on one side or another. And so a place of peace and healing has once again become a battleground, at least for some people. Fortunately for them, some people are blessedly oblivious.

Of course, this kind of stuff happens in churches all the time. And, having been in and around churches my whole life, I've often wondered why people are so often at their worst around the place that is supposed to be the best part of their lives. And it's ususally people who are the most devoted to the church that act the worst. I don't know that anyone has the answer, but I've come to my own conclusions. I think that people act stuck in kindergarten at church just because it is so important to them emotionally. It is like, this place, this institution is so important that when things get tough they lose all perspective, all balance, all reason and respond strictly emotionally. It's almost too important to them to allow them to respond like adults, and they revert to being children.

I think this explains a lot of rabidly conservative evangelical thinking a acting these days.

Oh well. God save us, and our church, from ourselves.

The Terri Schiavo case got me thinking. Of course, with all the publicity and posturing the only biological life forms not forced to think about it were sea slugs in the south Pacific. No wait, that would describe most politicians and media pundits. Maybe there weren't any life forms that managed to avoid it. Except, of course, all those people who are just trying to stay alive themselves and having a hard time of it. I guess it doesn't matter how many poor people starve to death or die unnecessarily because of bad water or inadequate health care as long as we can wring every single drop of emotion out of 1 middle class white woman in the United States. In case you can't tell, I don't think much of people who passionately care about every single life--as long as it belongs to someone just like them.

The person I really feel sorry for in this whole thing is Terri herself. I can't imagine that anyone would want to become the center of that kind of hurricane of hate, bitterness and self-serving anger. Terri, I hope you find blessings and peace in now.

Anyway, all this made me wonder about how well parents really know their kids. As a parent of teens, I like to believe that I know my kids really well, but if I'm honest I have to admit that I have no way of knowing if that's the truth or just my own personal fantasy. As a child, I will be quick to tell you that my parents never had the foggiest idea of who I was or how I felt. My own personal belief would be that was because they were very careful to only see me through a fog of how they wanted me to be. In fact, one of my own personal nightmare scenarios would be my well-intentioned parents fighting with my husband over what I would want if I were incapacitated. I can tell you right now that my parents would be wrong, and the husband that I loved and had chosen would be right. I can also tell you that my parents would never have believed that.

I guess that's why my gut response about Terri's parents is wondering how much was about their fantasies and needs and inability to let go of their adult child and respect her as an adult. When should a parent let go? What does it mean to let your little eaglets fly as adults? I guess that since my own daughter just turned 18, it's my turn to figure out.

So, much for my Lenten intent to post every day. We're a week into Lent and this is my first post. Oh well, as Anne Lamott says.

I was thinking yesterday about just how much single events can permanently change our approach to the world. I was out zipping around from meeting to meeting and realized that my gas tank was below about 1/3 of a tank and I just went into a panic. I started getting really concerned that I find a gas station right now and fill up. I could not rest easy until I knew that there was plenty of gas in my car. Then I realized that this is kind of a new thing for me. I'm not a person who has habitually run out of gas, but it seemed odd to be so concerned about it. Then I figured out the connection.

A couple of years ago, just 4 days after she got her driver's license, my daughter was in an accident, broke her pelvis and totalled her car. Like all other parents, I don't think I will ever forget getting that phone call and going up to watch them pry her out of the car and then following the ambulance to the hospital. But of all those impressions, one of the clearest is that when we left the accident site for the hospital, my car was almost out of gas. I mean, down to the fumes. All the way over, while comforting my son and making phone calls, I was terrified that we would run out of gas, not make it to the hospital and cause other people she needed to not be there for her because they were coming over to help me. We made it, but I was changed (in many ways). Now, whenever my gas tank gets low, I just get frantic to fill it up--what if something happens and I need to be mobile. I have a feeling that will always be with me.

Funny how single things like that shape our lives.