Saturday, November 22, 2003

Another day down the drain. I guess I could chalk it up to resting, 'Sabbath' or just general pamper-yourself time, but I do too much of that. I did manage to go pick up a Christmas tree that had been donated to my youth group. that was kind of fun. My husband and son are watching a football game--Actually, Pat is watching the game and enjoying some kind of emotional overload orgy on every play. Alex is just kind of hanging around waiting for it to be over.

I'm having some real struggles with my ministerial candidacy. On one hand, I'm really antsy to move on from what I'm doing now, but I can't stand the thought of leaving my kids. That would be so hard on them. (Or at least I think it would. Part of me kind of hopes that it would.) I think I'm just really tired of not being taken serously. What I've identified lately is a real longing for legitimacy. I'm tired of being overlooked, or regarded as a dilettante or second-rate, or not really worth paying attention to. Is that egotistical? Do I lack humility. Does this reveal an unhealthy longing for power that is inappropriate for a minister? I'm not ever sure I know right now.

Wednesday, November 19, 2003

Time to get back to my personal blog. I've set up two group ones recently for different groups and they've kind of siphoned off my blog time and efforts, but I need to get back to my personal space. It's kind of ironic, but I haven't told anyone in these groups that I have this personal blog. I think it's because I don't want people who know me to be checking here to see what I'm saying about them. Is that paranoid or what?