Change is so hard. Recently I've come to the decision that I have to change jobs, even though I love the job I'm in, and I love the kids in my youth ministry. But.... But, I just need to move on. I need to be in a different place. I'm ready to go. I'm ready to move on. The problem is, I don't know where to go. I know I'm not supposed to be here. My work here, whatever it was, is over. I just don't know where I'm supposed to go next.

I know that not everyone who reads these blogs are believers, of any sort. And I know that for people who think that they are, or should be, in control of their lives, this kind of talk is pretty ridiculous. Laughable, even. I mean, what kind of loser thrashes around desperately seeking God's will (or at least His preference) for every little (or big) thing instead of just going out and getting a job. Do what you want. Just go.

But, for some reason it's just not that easy for me. I know I could get another job easily enough. In fact, I know of a couple of things that are open that I could probably just walk into. I don't make that much money. I could probably match my salary working at Target and get better benefits besides. But that's not the point. That's not how I want to live my life. I've had 'just jobs' and I've had 'careers', but ultimately the frustration and just plain wrongness of not doing what you're supposed to be doing makes it not worthwhile. I just don't want to waste anymore time that way. I'm not on earth just to make ends meet, to survive. I want to do what I was born to do. Or at least what I'm supposed to be doing right now. I just don't know what that is.

Why does this have to be so hard?